Adventures in South Africa
Part II - South Africa -- Johannesburg
Greetings from Johannesburg, South Africa. The time here so far has been very pleasant. The people are friendly for the most part. Of course, just like everywhere else, there are Sheniquas and Tyrone’s, and street vendors who refer to Earl as "my brother from another mother" - in the name of making a sell. Once we found out that he was trying to snooker us by thinking we couldn't convert dollars to rands, we walked away and were referred to as cheap. We not offended, since only 2 days prior in Paris, Earl was called cheap bast***d by a Black Frenchman street vendor speaking English (trying to sell us a cigarette lighter), oh well - c'est la vie (such is life).
So far we have toured Johannesburg, Soweto, Sun City and taken a Safari. Tomorrow we fly to Cape Town for a few days before coming back to Jo'burg for a last day or so before the long, long flight back home. Our hotel is in Sandton, which is a suburb of Johannesburg aka Jo'burg, like most predominately African-American cities, has moved most of the jobs and businesses to the suburbs - leaving city residents few economic and job opportunities. We did try to help the economy in Soweto (comprised of 3-4 million residents in an all-black township, many of whom live in shanty shacks no larger than a storage room) by making some purchases (including bartering) from the local residents. We managed to make more purchases than anyone else on the tour bus during our 5 minute stop at the local vendor shops on the side walk.
Upon our initial arrival, we rented a car with manual transmission, steering wheel on the right hand side, having to shift left handed and drive on the opposite side of the road. Earl, of course, hit the curb coming out of the parking garage before we even got the rental car on the street and was immediately on the highway -- so much for an adjustment period for driving; not exactly able to find second gear and reverse as we went right into fast-moving traffic with Joyce on the verge of cardiac arrest and fainting as Earl sped off in the wrong direction. We got lost a few times, managed to get on the surface roads and finally found our way to Sandton and our hotel. Upon parking in the hotel garage, we held earnest prayer service to give thanks for an accident-free arrival to the hotel. It took a few days before Joyce let me drive again.
Nelson Mandela Incarceration/ Trial/ Torture Rack aka(Old School Lie Detector) & Constitution Hill
Soweto -- Hector Pieterson Museum ( killed in the 1976 in Soweto uprising )
Our safari: we have a few pictures as proof. We of course don't have that Pulitzer prize winning picture because Joyce refused her King (me) to take the spear and the pork chop and get in the tall grass around the elephant and bring me a lion. The only thing that she threw for me was the middle finger. This is not Queen-like behavior and she will be limited to only one waif no serfs and her quarter wit cousin Rufus when we move into the royal palace. For those of you interested, we will have a job fair for waifs and serfs; no experience required. You will be put through King Earl and Queen?? Joyce's Montessori school for waifs, serfs, lion bar-b-que and weight-loss program. We have high standards for insurance purposes our lawyers tell us that we can not take anybody less than a quarter wit unless you pay us to take them. Anyone in a family that tries to pay in " used chewed bubble gum" entire gene pool is automatically disqualified under the less than Quarter wit rule. We do not discriminate; we accept all races, creeds and colors. Upon successful completion, you will receive a certificate and be eligible for employment.
DISCLAIMER: We do not discriminate; however, it is suggested that all who apply be light on their feet or very quick since the final exam requires the use of a pork chop, a spear, and a live, hungry lion to receive your certificate. We accept no responsibility for any students who are too SLOW to pass the course.
School motto: "At our school, we only accept the best -- where all students either prepare the menu or a part of it".
Our South African castle awaits me as presented in the photos.
Goodbye to all our Royal Subjects!
Bye,
J and E
PS -- Do not call us. We are not accepting phone calls due to the outrageously high calling rates. We are, however, corresponding via ej123@home.com, so please feel free to reply by e-mail.
Please keep in contact. That is, of course, until we find out that we are royalty during our trip to Africa. FYI - By royalty I mean filthy, filthy rich. If this unlikely scenario should come true, I don't know any of you all and please do not try and contact me at ej123@home.com because this e-mail address will be disconnected. On the other hand, if I come back poorer than I left, please disregard the above statement - I didn't take my meds until after I finished this memo. So I might need a loan. Getty up horsey "Hi Ho Silver Away" Don't hold this against me -- this is a cry for help according to my Queen. ( who also says that I would have to resend the 1/4 wit rule to 1/64 wit rule for me to qualify) There she goes again thinking that she is the smart one!!
King Earl and Queen Joyce
Part III - South Africa -- Cape Town
More of a traditional tourist spot V&A Waterfront with a host of stores, restaurants, hotels and other assorted places. Joyce didn't like the hotel . She said that the bell hop was Prince not a Prince but booty out Prince he must have fallen on hard times because he was determined to get a tip showing us how to : turn on light, use a standard remote, sit in chair raise the toilet seat turn on the dish washer finally gave him some money to leave us alone. We were not especially happy with him because he told us they had shuttle service. That turned out to be a over priced taxi that they sent to pick us up from the airport hell we saw 40 taxis waiting for him we essentially paid for round trip cost 280 R (Rand) $34 dollars the guy took us on the scenic tour with meter running.
Joyce started out not happy because she had to pay not even close to discounted prices for everything about our side trip to Cape Town because this weekend they had some type of international Bike tour event. Even had to settle for a high price ticket on "One Way Airline" had to wander if they knew something that we didn't. Upon arriving at the airport we had to go through some type of camera that scanned you body temp as not to allow in any sick persons that were potentially contagious.
Later that night found out that our room was right next to the port shipping containers with heavy machinery that operated 24/7. Noise Noise Noise call ed the front desk and yes just like here they didn't seem the be interested in our problem that we were paying them for. We did get some relief when we found that one of the windows was partially open. The only redeeming factor was the place had a kitchen and washer/dryer. The next night we we had a bedroom light that would not go off and we are still waiting for maintenance to come fix I had to find something to stand on to take the bulb out. Within a mile or so from the V&A waterfront we walked our exercise program walking 4 to six miles a day easy. This way we could eat whatever because it was going to get burned off. Mostly consisted of chicken KFC is on every block. But we preferred Woolworths whole rotisserie chicken with sides we would buy one and eat it at the mall food court or take it back to the room.
On our next trip we already know that we want to stay at the Peninsula Timeshare along the coast in Cape Town
City Sightseeing Cape Town ( Red Route)
For 120R ($15) you can take a self paced tour getting off at any stop and get back on a later bus and continue to the next location (Sweet) definite well priced to do and and you can catch it at any spot along the route and pay on the bus.
Part IV - Netherlands -- Amsterdam
Nice airport the Dutch had a short 4-5 hour layover Found out later that the airport had a museum onsite, also that they offer Amsterdam Tours around town if you have a long enough layover.
Best part was KLM Airline Lounge with our Business Class tickets the lounge had sandwiches snacks drinks water computer access and free alcohol to those who partake. This is how the other half live They guard the entrance like its Fort Knox. The attendants have their mean faces on until they confirm that your status and then they are the sweetest people in the world.
The Tour
Cape Town
Back in Joberg
Going Back Home via Amsterdam on KLM Airline
